Chances are you’re an incredibly thoughtful, respectful, kind man. You create heart connection with women because it is simply who you are.
And yet a part of you yearns for more regular sexual connection/attraction. It feels as if women pursue men who treat them poorly or are simply attractive “bad” boys who may be more promiscuous, or at the very least not really available emotionally.
I’m gonna give this to you in 4 steps. If you do these steps, your entire life will change. Usually I reserve this for men who are in the the Evolved Masculine programs with me, so pay attention. This is valuable.
1) Drop the story that “women don’t want kind men,” “I’m not attractive enough” or any other bullshit belief.
The fact is that women WANT men who can meet them in their hearts.
The problem is that men who can meet them in their hearts often have not learned how to meet them in their sex.
Understand that a woman wants to feel both 1) SAFE and 2) TURNED ON. You’ve got 1) down. Now it’s time to focus on 2).
2) Practice STANDING IN your own desire regardless of her response. Feel into her boundaries and honor them, but have the courage to say what you want while remaining legitimately UNATTACHED to whether she’s a “yes.”
–Stop creating connection where you let your desire remain unstated, and cultivating friendship in hopes that she will like you. State that you want her, and own that. It’s hot.
–Bonus points for asking consent and then being REALLY specific about what you’d like with her.
–If she sets a boundary with you, honor that boundary. And don’t let that scratch the fullness of your desire. It’s still there. If she doesn’t want to kiss you, don’t push for a kiss. If she doesn’t want to date you, don’t push for a date.
–But don’t allow that to kill your desire. Your desire is yours, not hers. You can continue to flirt in a respectful manner, and she’ll usually enjoy it provided she feels your authentic respect. And if she doesn’t enjoy it, then remove your attention. There will always be someone who does enjoy your affection.
3) Get CURIOUS about what DOES turn her on.
If you’re so involved in your own story about how you’re not good enough, you can very easily prevent yourself from creating erotic charge with a woman because you’re collapsing.
If she LOVES unavailable men, ask her what she loves about that. Chances are you can find some of those qualities within yourself and play with her that way.
If she LOVES surprise, how can you find that element of surprise within yourself?
If she loves men who care about their appearance, is it worth it to you to play with that yourself?
This is not about changing yourself to get laid. It’s about being in the dance with a woman, standing in your desire, and allowing it to propel you forward.
The difference between men who create turn-on and men who don’t is that men who create turn-on typically STAND IN THEIR DESIRE and value themselves, or at least SEEM to.
4) Make changes in your life because it’s good for YOU.
It’s possible that you may still not find yourself desired. But you want to be. Ask yourself how you can begin to become more desirable, and make those shifts. Usually, those are things which help you become more healthy, more successful, and more confident.
Engage in this exploration as a personal growth experiment rather than anything else. If you’re HOPING she’ll want you, that’s far less attractive than creating change within yourself because she’s inspired you to do it.
The MOST DESIRABLE men allow women to inspire them to make changes in their lives, NOT FOR HER but because it’s good for THEM.